Love, love, love...

Love is just a sweet biological fraud concocted to keep the species going. Even so, we can't seem to stop searching for it. What a cruel thing to have embedded in one's DNA, this psychological farce that draws us to constantly get our hopes up just to be torn to pieces. Isn't Darwinism enough? Why must we continuously torment ourselves with the need to feel? Animals don't need to feel. They simply mate, spread the seed, and keep the race going. Some of that has translated into human behavior. After all, how else would you explain having five babie daddies? It seems we use the emotional factor of "love" to simply set ourselves above the animal kingdom. Without it, wouldn't we just be animals?

It must be nice to be a mole and not have to worry about any other mole breaking your heart, or if he's going to call because it's been more than two days, or if taking her to dinner was really worth the quarter of your paycheck it cost to impress her. Sometimes, it seems like animals haev really got it made. No committment, no ties, no divorce court or child support, just fuck and forget, you've done your dues for the race. Sometimes, you don't even have to worry about the offspring's welfare. Once you've spawned, your mama's gone, and you're either going to have to learn to fend for yourself or die. How much easier could it get?

It's been said that emotions make us human, but even some of us are still not capable of showing them. I can't tell you how many men I've been head over heels for that I've bitterly poked and prodded to illicit so much as a facial expression from them. What I can tell you is how much I've personally utilized a similar tactic myself in the rough and tumble dating world. It's called "The Wall." The Wall is utilized when I first begin to date a man, as not to allow my full emotional rollercoaster to leak through. It is a deceptive device used to hook a man, by pretending you don't care, aren't that interested, and aren't the crazy, emotional gal who really, really hopes to fall in love with him. A couple of months pass, and if the guy's still around, the Wall starts to crumble, and all those emotions I forced myself to bury come pouring out in a frenzy. This typically results in the guy running for his life, as far away from me as he can get. It is a failed defense mechanism that almost never works, yet I've seen so many women (and men!) use it in the beginning stages of a relationship.

Why are we torturing ourselves so exquisitely? Why do we fear our emotions so greatly that we can't even convey them to another human being, who obviously possesses them as well, otherwise they wouldn't be trying to date, right? The truth is, whether or not you would willing admit it, we are all looking for exactly the same thing.

Since this is the case, why is it damn near impossible to find someone with whom to share that thing? At our core, we are all wired the same way. We have been built in a manner than forces us, consciously or not, to recognize a need to feel. We are unique in that one simply manufacturing. We need to feel wanted, we need to feel a sense of belonging. We are not so basal and animalistic as to solely require physiological needs in order to function. Maslow wasn't smoking dope when he came up with the Hierarchy of Needs. He knew very well just how imperative all of those psychological factors were to creat a complete human being. Any time one of those psychological needs is not met, we are reduced to our basal, physiological needs, throwing balance off of our human definition. This only accentuates how crucial emotions are to our completion.

So, why the never-ending quest for the unobtainable love? We're wired to desire it, regardless of how much one may suppress it. He who denies love the greatest seeks it the most. He is trouble and tormented to deny that which we alone as humans are designed to experience. Unfortunately, such a wonderful thing often comes with a terrible price. One must be willing to become vulnerable and open to the possibility of being wounded in order to obtain it. It is our greatest source of pleasure and our greatest source of pain, yet we alone are capable of feeling it.


That being said, no matter how bitter I get, no matter how calloused my heart has grown because of its misuse and overuse by equally uncertain men, I desire nothing more than to find that special, emotional bond that only human beings can experience. I want to love and be loved, and I'll stop at nothing to obtain it. You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, for in our greatest pain and suffering, in our most bitter anger and spite, in our denial and rejection of it, love is all we need and crave. It is the key to completion as a human being. Without it, we are animals. Without out, we are nothing.