Eating me alive

I have to confess that, regardless of the frame of time that has passed, I am still upset about everything that happened between us. It makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever, and I feel as though I am owed at the very least a proper goodbye and apology. I do not know what I did to merit such disrespect and disregard from this individual. I thought that I dealt nothing but kindness his way, so, why did he just randomly fade from my life?

You have no idea what kind of scars you have left on me. Every last thing I begged you not to do to me, you did. I BEGGED you, and you did them, anyway! How can one heart be so callous to one that has been so pure? I loved you with every bit of my soul, and who knows why. You hardly even acknowledged my existence. I would have laid down my very life for you, and you couldn't even pick up the phone. Funny how this always seems to happen to me. Why couldn't you just tell me you didn't want to see me again? You'd have hurt me, but in a much lesser fashion. Now, I am so unbelievably bitter, jaded, and wounded that it's going to take even longer than the last time for me to trust someone. How could you? After everything I did for you? After all that I gave to you?

My love for you was pure and unconditional. It was consumate and honest on all levels. I wanted to see the world with you, and for some time, I stupidly thought we'd have a chance to take on this great adventure of life as a unit. What a fool I was. You aren't even capable of infatuation. How dare I be so bold as to suggest a journey together? God, I am an idiot. How could I fall so passionately in love with such a confused, apathetic man? You really had me fooled. I honestly believed that you and I fit together - in some sense. Perhaps not romantically, but you were, and remain, a dear friend to me. A dear friend that I think of daily, but will most likely never see again.

It truly pains me to have lost your presence. You have no idea how much you've meant to me in these past five months. You have truly be a beacon of light in my world of constant darkness. That's why you were my Sunshine. I know that there is a good reason you and I crossed paths, even if it was so fleeting. You have no idea the wonderful effect you have had on me, regardless of this exquisite and intolerable pain that I now suffer on your behalf. I have a direction, I have a purpose, I have a cause, and for that, I am grateful to you. You have shown me the beauty in life's spontaneity, in simplicity and reason. You have opened the door to so many extraordinary things for me, and I thank you.

My one wish is that you were still here to watch everything blossom. You have given me the courage that I knew I possessed, but simply needed assistance to bring to life. You are a blessing to me, and I will never regret the beautiful moments in my life that I shared with you. As hurt as I am by what you have done, I love you so greatly. It may not necessarily be of a romantic inclination, but I value you. I see inside of you and know your worth, I know your greatness, your wonderment. It is being suppressed by fear. What astounding potential you possess! I know that it is within you, but you hide behind defense mechanisms to protect yourself from this callous, harsh world. I know you have the capacity to feel, to care, even to love. It only takes kindness and coaxing to procure. I wanted more than anything to be the one to help you let that out and shine. I still have faith in you. There is not a single day that passes where I do not think of you.

I promised you that I would never give up on you, and I will not. You may have forgotten me, ex-communicated me, denounced me from your life, but I'll do no such thing to you in mine. You are precious to me, and if ever you need anything, I will always be here for you. That is the truth. No matter how much pain I suffer from our situation.

I will love you always for what you have helped me realize and achieve. You have no idea how grateful I am for you. I wish you all of the happiness in this world, all of the best luck with your endeavors, and pray that we meet again in this lifetime. It doesn't matter how or why, but you are my dear friend, and I treasure you. I wish you were still present in my life. While I certainly do not need you to find happiness, you did add much needed laughter to my life.

Please, don't be a stranger. My life is truly beautiful, but I'll confess, it's much more fun with people like you in it. I hope you'll return in some way or another. You are amazing, and I will forever think the best of you. Come what may.