The truth is that I have attachment issues. I'll begin to spend time with someone, grow fond, and before you know it, I'm completely hooked. The next step is the abrupt abandonment. I'm apparently quite terrifying to potential prospects in the dating world because of my intense, emotional ties to whatever oh-so-lucky gentleman has my affinity in a given moment.
I've done my best as of late to put up the brick wall and to bury this behavior. I smother it with a pillow any time it attempts to surface. It's for my own good, isn't it? After all, I've played this game so many times and always lost because I've utilized the same tactics every time. Perhaps now is the time to change my strategy in order to win the great battle of Mon Sacre Coeur.
The thing is, though, that I really don't want to do so. I hate playing this game. I wish I could just look him right in the eye and say,
"I totally dig you. I want to see where this could go. I think we have potential," etc. But, I can't. So, instead, I play fight with him, bicker, tease, and pretend that I'm not that interested, but interested enough to pay him the time of day.
I act like I'm so cool and casual, like he's not the greatest thing since sliced bread, when the truth is that I think about him constantly, look forward to seeing him more than anything, and can't get his eyes, his lips, his touch out of my mind. This is so stupid.
I don't really want to fall in love again. I wanted to relax and tone down my overflowing emotions. Learn how to manage myself before introducing a man into the mix again. But I can't stop it. It's too late. I'm growing fond, and soon enough, I'll be hooked. I think maybe we're in the same boat, but I'm so afraid to have a serious conversation with him because everything is so fun and fresh between us. The serious conversation ruins everything. I need to just enjoy what's going on and wait for him to bring it up.
Oh, well. What's a foolish girl to do?
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